The alien at the end of the bed

It's always good to escape the sometimes stale inland atmosphere and feel a strong sea breeze slapping your cheek as an antidote to the hysteria of modern life; and it's lucky that my sister lives very close to the chilly North Sea, with fragile mud cliffs constantly collapsing on to pebbles and sand below.

She wasn't there when we arrived the other day, but her bloke was, looking a little pale but still managing a smile for the unexpected visitors.

'Everything alright luv ?'

'I didn't sleep very well, that's all.'

'Better get to bed early tonight with a mug of cocoa.'

'Yes. Do you want a cup of tea ?'

It wasn't long before my sister arrived back with the dog - a very small Chinese specimen that insists on humping everything that moves.

'Has he told you then ?'

'Told us what ?'

'About screaming the place down in the middle of the night.'

'No.'

'Reckons he saw a little green man at the bottom of the bed !'

'Too much Wensleydale last thing at night ?'

'More like some bloody film........Starman, I think it was.'

'But that's a great story. No little green men though - the alien travels across America in the body of a dead house painter - and very friendly he was too.'

I don't think my sister's area is particularly noted for alien visitation, despite a minor RAF 'listening' station very close by. It seems unlikely that this was anything more than a bad dream, which caused much hilarity amongst family members. Why do we always laugh at those with mental disorders ?

It turns out that these episodes with her partner are not uncommon - in the past he has accidentally struck her while being under the influence of rapid eye movement; it would be very unwise to leave any weapons or kitchen knives in close proximity to the bedroom. Most folk don't seem to experience such extreme reactions to their nightly brain adventures - his harrowing scream was said to be loud enough to wake many of the slumbering neighbours.

I would recommend Starman though, which starred Jeff Bridges and Karen Allen, in a gentle love story with an extra-terrestrial dimension. Even one of the more recent offerings - Paul - is quite a jolly film, starring the stereotypical little green man as a wise-cracking healer trying to return to his own world. We might not be laughing at my sister's bloke if it turns out the real thing has landed on the Yorkshire coast not far from Scarborough.